Why Don't I think like a winner?
One of the most common things I have found myself saying lately is that I never win anything so why try. Although the phrase specifically applied to a contest or game of some sort, I find it to be the make-up of what I think about myself. I do not find myself to be a winner in life. I have ran into so many people who just.....win, and it annoyed me. I didn't get it. What is it about me that doesn't scream winner? Now I realize I don't even think like a winner, how can you be something that you dont feel you are.
For weeks now I had planned on making a post like this, but it was just more about encouraging myself so that I can win more, and to trust God to make me a winner......today I find that it is much deeper than that.
I found myself on a podcast for Joyce Meyers entitled Self-Pity and I wanted to reject the whole message, this showed me that I really do live in self-pity most days. There are alot of messages I can take on, and say hallelujah, and agree....but this one.....man. I forced myself to listen. Alot of the message was about turning my pity from myself to compassion for others. but the biggest part of the message was about looking at where I could be without anything that I have now.
I am always thinking of what I don't have. Yes I feel every now and then that i'm blessed but I always feel that i'm lacking, and I felt entitled to that feeling, which is why I wanted to reject the self-pity message. I never feel like i'm winning in life, two steps forward three steps back is how I always feel.
Looking back to a year ago
Last year 2014, I had no job, and couldn't find one to save my life. I expected money to come in that the IRS went ahead and took because I owed them the money, so I was so depressed and discouraged after that. I was in school and was getting to know people who are now some of my best friends, but I didn't know them then, so I was skeptical. I was living somewhere i HATED with all my heart, and in that living space, I did not even have my own space. I felt extremely alone, and I was struggling with having to depend on people.
Fast-forward to right now. I am working, and although it is not a job that I went to school for it is still a job with alot of transferable skills. I have finished school and actually have graduation next month. I also finished with the best grades of my whole life. I have recently moved and have my own space, it may not be my own place. but I am back to having a space I can call mine. I am able to keep my phone bill paid, help pay rent, and buy things that I like (because God knows I love to shop). I am going on 8 months in my new job when I thought I wouldnt make it past three months. I am now not in a situation where if something goes wrong I cannot do anything about it. I don't have to depend on anyone but God because i've learned that really depending on people is just depending on him because he sends who he needs to send to your rescue.
I should be ashamed of myself for feeling so much self-pity. From where I was to where I am. I think its because when you plan your life and it doesnt go as planned you feel like you have failed, but really you've been elevated many times, just not how you wanted. If I allowed God to plan my life more often and just went with it I would probably be happier. I'd have more peace, I would be okay with not having control.
I Declare April the month of the Winner!
A few months back God kept putting April in my spirit for whatever reason. I was looking for somethings to change, and I still am, and I felt that God kept telling me I would have to wait until April. I looked up the biblical meaning of April and I was getting alot of "New Year" and "New beginning" Everywhere I looked. So paired with the newness of whatever God has coming my way, I am declaring April the start of a winning attitude. I will have faith that God can and will make me a winner in anything I tackle. Down to a simple contest entry or scratch off ticket lol. I want to start making myself feel like the winner I actually am. I am putting all my confidence in God and letting go of self-pity. There are alot of new things I will be doing that I have decided will be best, and then there are the new things i'm expecting God to bring that I honestly know nothing about. I am believing in April because God would not put that in me for nothing. My goal is to get through April and take my winning attitude through life.
So if you see i've won millions or got a new job, or promoted or something, don't be surprised, just chalk it up to me being a "Born again Winner". I am going to pray myself into this month so hard it is not even funny. I will be back with an update. It may be a drastic update, or a simple one, but its coming.
I encourage any readers so really meditate on where you were vs. where you are. If you are in a worse place now then you were a year ago then you are in a test and this message isn't for you right now, but if you are in a better space than last year, declare yourself a winner too, understand that you are winning, because no matter how small the win.....a win is still a win.
