Pity Party

Can I just say how much I hate this season i'm in?

Not weather season, but a season of my "journey". I woke up to some news that has me sad, upset, and frustrated. As I processed this news, I was literally flooding my brain with reasons why its not that big of a deal, why it will be okay, why God is still good. I dont want to take this mood with me for the rest of the day.... i cant, I have finals and I need to focus.

However......

I need my pity party, if only for a moment, an hour, ten minutes, hell a day. I dont let my pity moments go past a day because I simply can't afford to dwell. 

I'm tired y'all.......

Im so over this, so over being the girl that I am, tired of wondering when i'm going to catch a break. I know God is working, at least I think I know. The news itself was bittersweet actually, but when youre soooooo tired......sooooo tired of things going left its hard to see the "little bit" of right. What i'm feeling right now is not even allowed because I know how well God has kept me, but I just feel that I am allowed a pity party. After I push publish on this post...... I will go on with my day and simply get over it, The devil isnt allowed to keep me down....... 

But im saying all this to say mostly for someone else. Do not allow yourself to never sit in a moment and be over it, and cry, and say why. This is how everything builds up and you end up in a "Columbine situation" . Take that moment to access what you are feeling, but make sure that it leads to freedom from the situation. Make sure it leads to encouragement, make sure it leads back to how good God is even through the trials and tribulations of life. Alot of people teach to be happy and joyous and praise filled in a bad moment......to me, thats just not all the way realistic. Human emotion is not set up like that, it takes practice. I feel that the more you allow yourself just a speck of time to be in your feelings and even more time getting out of them the less you will need a pity party, but it will not come overnight, and if you suppress how you feel trying to be happy when youre not then you will eventually blow up. Just sitting here blogging about how terrible I feel has made me feel better, and that doesnt mean I wont think about this later, it just means im not willing to dwell and let satan win. I have so much to be thankful for. Pity party.....officially over.

"There is no sin in being weary, the sin is in giving up"

~Joyce Meyer~

Why the preacher has more than YOU or the congregation....

Please note that this is purely my opinion, based on what I know about who God is. This isnt supposed to be offensive, but maybe a little clarity.

I have noticed that people who barely go to church, have nothing to do with God or church mention how the pastor and deacons and those who serve the church seem to have more than the congregation. I wont direct this to those that go and serve God because it is my belief that they should know better.

Here is my question to those people.....have you dedicated your WHOLE life to Christ? Is your everyday business Gods business only? Is your mission to spread the gospel? If you answered no....then this is why you dont have what they have. What they have is simple......its called favor, favor for being faithful to God.

When most of the congregation enters church ( and this is my OPINION) they enter with selfish intentions, wanting from God but never giving. And then there is the MYTH that the whole congregation is suffering or broke, just because that is YOUR story does not mean that this is everyones story. I know plenty of blessed and favored church folk, but then again this goes back to your dedication to a relationship with Christ.

There are also those that are confused on how a church is ran and what the tithe and offering is for.....if you believe that the point of tithes and offering was to magically teleport it to heaven, or a burning sacrifice you are sadly mistaken. The church has bills just like your home, and if a man of God is giving his whole life to God and leading the flock then he has to be taken care of and that is why some preachers recieve a salary, but ALOT of preachers still have a everyday job just like you and me. The point is not to take from us and live a better life. God finds many ways to take care of his people. Do not assume that all money goes to the preacher.....that is another Myth.

Dont get me wrong, I believe there are a few Mega church preachers that are getting over on Gods people, looking at church as a way to gain a following and money for power, don't worry about them, their day will come, and as a Christian you are still supposed to love on and pray for them.....yes...love and pray, even for your enemies. Even with those snakes amoung us this is once again not everyones story. You cannot decide that all preachers are the same. There are hundreds of preachers living a normal scaled down life and are yet STILL more blessed than you. 

Worry less about why the preacher has what he has because there is a reason for that, and no FALSE PROPHET will make it to heaven. We all have a journey to take. If you believe that the church is wrong, or that preachers are getting over on people stop TALKING about it and be about it. I can sit at home and read my bible and pray all day, but being faithful to him is to go out and spread that message the best way I can and if you arent doing that then why do you call yourself a Christian? Trust me, I am not doing half of what I should be doing to serve God, thats my own fault. I dont blame anyone for that, especially a preacher, im not perfect, noone is, and I dont expect to have more than someone who is more dedicated to Christ than me.With that being said, when I find the opportunity to tell someone about God I try to take it, and for that I have good favor alot of days.Instead of running your mouth on Gods people and tearing them down for having what YOU  lack how about you Build your own church, learn God for yourself and be a better Christian, but dont be mad when someone who has dedicated their whole life to the Lord is clearly more favored than you......

Because after all......favor ain't fair......especially to those called but not chosen

Dismissive Attitudes: Oh your ignoring me? Here, let me help you

(Note: I wrote this over a week ago. Two days later i came across a similar situation AGAIN so this recently applys, although in the moment it didnt.)

First I just want to say, its never felt so good to be in my feelings, express them, and move on with my day. This blog is like therapy for me. The last blog I posted helped me to not dwell on it. I keep so much bottled up, and writing about my experience gave me freedom I dont usually feel. So today I am in my feelings again.

I couldnt figure out for the life of me why It always feels like I am being ignored, why I may comment on things and people intentionally ignore me. Do these people have something against me? Whats the issue? Did I kill ya cat or dog? Hell hit me up and let me know! I always feel dismissed. Even when im talking I feel like im always fighting to get my words out, especially around more out going extrovert people. My first mind is to help you ignore me. I get ghost, i must admit I can take a hint like no other, and If I start to feel dismissed you will more than likely never hear from me again. Since High School ive made it a point for people to know I wont follow behind them like a lost puppy craving attention, i'd rather stay to myself than kiss butt. Ultimately I am easily offended and thought that  people are out to make me feel small and dismissed.

But let's get to the real issue

I realize that its not them, its my insecurities. Half the time people dont realize what their doing. I am so used to the feeling of being dismissed. My shyness never allowed me to command an audience, or the attention i THOUGHT I needed. I grew up around so many loud people, and honestly, my family is only JUST starting to learn me and my opinions. People tell me all the time " Tia I didnt know you were so smart". Im finding my voice so late in life, but the feeling of being dismissed still lingers.

I must be real though, I cant stand dismissive people. Those who dismiss your feelings, your hurt, your emotions all together. Dismissive people are usually very self-centered. Never caring how their actions or words affect others. Ask people who have ever felt suicidal and nine times out of ten they will tell you that they felt they had no one to talk to because their feelings are always dismissed.

Its like if your a child and your used to being told "shut up and stay in a childs place". Then something tragic happens and you are not given the avenue to say how it affected YOU as a child. You grow up thinking your opinion and feelings is invalid. You tell someone "Im not feeling like myself today, I feel down" and someone else says "Girl you'll be okay, I have down days too but I gotta keep it moving". And I really hate to hear "You'll get over it". Folks....please stop telling people that, even if its true, even if this is how you truly feel. Learn to LISTEN, and not listen to hear but Listen to UNDERSTAND.

Honestly I'm over dismissive people, but I also don't want to be so in my feelings that I mistake a simple over sight as ignoring me. I want to be delivered from being so offended in that, most times people mean well, but i think it is the realist in me that knows people are petty and sometimes are ignoring you, or looking past you because they dont see you as important. Its hard to figure out which is which, but that really isnt my job. My job is to be so secure in myself and who I am that I no longer feel dismissed or ignored.  

The introvert in me has created a shell that causes me to put up a wall when I feel dismissed, but people are just.....people. They are not Jesus, they are not obligated to consider or hear out my feelings or give me attention. It would be awesome to let alot of things just roll off my shoulder as if it never happened....easier said than done. I am praying for that deliverance