New/Old Meaning to Praising in the Hallway.....

The good thing about Yesterday, is that it really doesn't affect today....

I recently wrote a blog about my pride. I didn't share it, although I meant to because I kind of wanted feedback. Last week was a "struggle week" mostly mentally because I was afraid that I would have to "ask" people for something. My pride just couldn't handle it. After realizing I was being dramatic, I calmed myself down and told myself that If I wanted to be delivered from my pride I would have to exit out of my comfort zone. The very next day after writing the blog I started a book that a buddy sent to me from California (Shout out to Tiff). She told me the book was about the spirit of being Offended. I was SOOOOO excited to finally receive that book because that is another problem that I wanted to be delivered from, after all it is important to know your flaws and ask God for change........

Now.......imagine my surprise (but not really knowing the way God operates) when I crack open the book and the majority of the first chapter talks about how pride works in offense...... It was so weird because it hadn't even been 24 hours since I wrote the blog..... The first chapter forced me to sit back and understand where the pride i Harbor comes from. Really its from Childhood. Since I've always had discernment I always knew what we didn't have, and so I rarely asked for anything, knowing I would be rejected of it, or simply out of consideration I didn't ask so that I didn't come off self-centered. Alot of it was based in rejecttion though. Rejection offends me the most..... So I don't ask for anything.

I thought that was somewhat of a breakthrough......and it was.....but Today I got my whole life.

Today I read chapter 3, and from the first scripture I was hooked. This chapter talked about Joseph, and how his brothers betrayed him, set out to kill him because of the dreams of leadership God had given him. They didn't kill him but instead sold him into slavery and told their father he died. In being in slavery and thrown into jail for years Joseph decided not to be offended by his brothers. What really got me was that in the end his brothers came to him when God put him in leadership needing him, and he gave to them not only what they needed but the BEST of what he had. 

I got super cry baby after reading it, it was inspiring. The way the author wrote of that story and explained how what others mean for your harm is really God allowing it to happen to put you in place for leadership and your calling. Everything I had been dealing with mentally lately just became so clear. Its crazy, People can lie on you, have you put in jail, set out to kill you, beat you, hurt you, break you........and what was meant for harm only strengthens you for where God is taking you. It was amazing to me to have an actual example, of a situation that was so much worse than mine and yet they STILL came out victorious.

Now of course i've heard plenty of times to be content, Gods gonna bring you out....It went in one ear and out the other.... I was tired of hearing that. But that scripture on the picture really resonated with me today......What YOU meant for my harm, God meant for my good......It makes it so much easier to love with the love of God, because no matter what anyone means for me good or bad.....God was STILL using them to put me in a situation to eventually bless me!! Only YOU can allow that harm to be used by satan. It feels great to know that even if its a long while from now I can literally praise God in the hallway because I have the example of Joseph to be inspired by.....knowing that door is going to be opened no matter what the enemy may try. Finally I feel that I can be happy EVEN in bad times.......I have NEVER felt that way before....ever.

I really recommend this book. So many suffer from the bait of offense, people literally SEARCH for reasons to be offended. Never putting themselves in another persons shoes, never realizing people are the way they are for a reason, never using the love of God to understand a situation. I particularly feel that Offense is running WILD in Michigan. Everyone is mad, and offended, and hurt, and selfish because of that hurt, and hurt because they were offended, and offended because they allowed satan to set that trap......Can you imagine honestly being set free from offense??? What joy and happiness will come from that? After offense comes so many other emotions, anger, sadness, insecurities.....man. It is impossible to not be offended, but to be able to control it is awesome. I never cried from four pages in a book, I felt something come over me that I have never felt before. I didn't even see it coming, one minute I was reading and the next I was tearing up. God is indeed good.......and by the way, I actually never ended up having to ask for anything.....God fixed it.

I know this is a long read but I feel really good about what I've learned today because I KNOW that I will be able to use it. I didn't expect my blog to be about my walk with God, and I talk about God a whole lot, but i'm not ashamed of my relationship with Christ.....and if you are then that is a problem that you have not me.

Today more than ever, all I want is to be used by God, and when you say that and mean it you really don't know what you have gotten yourself into because God will do JUST THAT, you'll find yourself somewhere in Africa trying to preach to a village messing around with the Lord lol...but I really mean it. I'm scared a little, but from what I've read today I am so much more prepared and i'm confident that my growth in "situations" will have prepared me for whatever my calling is.

Pride....

Is going to be the death of me....

 

 

 

 

I've watched someone literally waste away because of pride, and yet I was not aware how much pride I have myself.

 

God keeps getting the most evil looks from me because I've had to swallow my pride allll week long. It is the hardest thing for me. I just hate asking....I hate needing. And now I may be in another ASKING situation for a whole week and its making me sick. I have to be delivered from this. I am asking God for help on this. The only thing that has ever literally made me feel sick was being around violence or fighting.... I don't like drama and confrontation. I'm way too chill. This pride thing though.....it's killing me

 

If anyone else has had pride issues and come through it

I'd certainly appreciate how you did it. No matter how much I've prayed for it to go away and went ahead and bit the bullet and put my pride aside it is STILL bothering me.

 

How do people take and take with no issue?? I can't do it. My friends think I'm crazy because I HATE asking for things... or taking things. They literally have to MAKE ME or just do it and not even tell me so there's nothing I can do about it.

 

Maybe its rejection im afraid of. Maybe it's the feeling of "Owing" someone.....I can't deal today lol.

 

Introvert Behavior......*shrugs*

The death of a mind: Negativity

Sometimes we let the devil in to cause chaos in our homes.......and then ask him to "keep it down."

A few weeks ago I got into this funk, and never really came out. Even while doing things that were supposed to make me happy ( like shopping, and hanging out) I could feel the "give a care" I had left leaving my body. I had slipped into my depression. Thinking about what I don't have and why the good get looked over. Here are some of the signs that has helped me realize I was in a depression, mayne this will help someone else understand what is wrong with them.

• Wanting to sleep the day away, or wanting to sleep until I felt much better or until the next day
• Rejecting encouragement: There was no amount of "it will get better" to give me mental relief
• Talking to no one. I dont care how çlose we are there was no reason to talk. For me it was useless, and satan wanted me to think no one cared anyway, they were only trying to be nosey.
• Wanting sleep and hating it at the same time. No matter how much I thought sleeping the day away would help I couldnt if I tried. Up at all hours of the night letting my mind wonder.
• Doubting God, does he really love me? Or does he just love others more? Does God even exist? Yes.....that actually crossed my mind. Smh
• Being mean......and snappy.......and dry. Everything irritated me....and everybody. Cant say that this still isnt happening

These last few days I've slowly gotten back to normal, but to be honest I am still at a low mentally. I decided to revisit a book I had bought about a year ago called Change Your Words Change Your Life by Joyce Meyer. It was probably the best thing I had done all week. An excerpt from the book says: 

(If reading from a small mobile device click the picture to read the quote)

I had let satan in and remind me of what Im not and what I cant control, he has been living up there in my brain. I've given him an eviction notice. I've re-directed my thoughts and focus. Negativity is crazy, it causes you to be so many things your not, jealous, rude, snappy, incapable of peace, all that and more. I've found myself speaking negativity into a situation before it even happens, which is a characteristic of the old Tia.

I don't want to "Oppress my spirit" any further. I'm sure my spirit man is saying "Somebody come get this emo flesh up outta here". I'm seeking things I already have, I just have to practice them. Peace, happiness, joy....I have those things, if I so choose to tap into them

I still stand by the notion that you need a pity party, and I KNOW I will have another bad day, or days, but what I speak into those bad days are so important. Being negative has been so detrimental to my mental health, i've literally been killing my mind, weakening it, letting it drift into a perminent sleep.

I want to appeal to people who have been/are feeling like me. Number 1, depression is real, but dont let it become you, do not let it take over. Strengthen your mind, so much so that anything unwanted will send off an alarm. My mental alarm has been off. Number 2 YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER UNCONTROLLABLE CIRCUMSTANCES. You have to SIT in that truth......what you DO have control over is how it all effects you, and for how long. I had totally let satan in and rebuked him at the very same time, asked him in and then got mad when he broke things, turned the radio up loud, and ate everything in my refridgerator. Satan is that of an unwanted guest. He had to go.

Be careful who you hang around too, even down to parents. Sometimes their negativity rubs off, sometimes that person who you vent to adds their negative problems to yours, and then your two negative peas in a pod, being ugly and negative together. God is not the author of confusion, so even though you dont understand your situation understand that it is in the plan. It will make sense eventually, and if it doesnt, just know it was neccessary.

I have to apologize to God. Even though he doesn't need my apologies. I pray and still worry, I think right only to turn around and think wrong. I read my bible only to take three day breaks and allow satan in, and I'll probably do all those things again. Thats the awesome thing about God and being a Christian, he knew we'd never be perfect, and yet he takes us back everytime.

I'm now going to watch Captain America and eat apple pie...... :-)

Choose PEACE over PROBLEMS