Today I have two things I want to talk about that im still struggling with.
LAZINESS
TAKING ON OTHERS BURDENS
I will start with Laziness
There were a few things I told myself I was going to start doing as of the second of this month. One of them was to deactivate facebook for awhile. With everything that is going on and that has come out of nowhere on me and my family i just felt that facebook was a distraction and it was time to focus, I procastinate more when im on fb in other peoples business and sharing useless funny videos and pictures. I know its time to deactivate when things are going crazy, it means ive slacked in my connection with God.
Today, i had no fb to run to, had things on the agenda to do, and still........ Didnt get to it until hours later, although I guess getting to it was a start. I honestly want to deal with this spirit of laziness, yeah yeah I know EVERYTHING IS A SPIRIT WITH CHRISTIANS, well I happen to believe that if it isnt of God then it is a bad spirit so for me, alot of things ARE a spirit, especially if satan knows you struggle with it.
Laziness is lightweight ruining my life, and its my own fault. I read a picture today that basically said procastination is usually just things happening in the right timing, so although it may feel like laziness or procastination it really just wasnt time for whatever your trying to do. I immediately felt a little vindicated, and then I realized it was a ploy to stop me from not procastinating. As true as the picture might be, there is never an excuse for not being a go-getter, even if you dont know what your preparing for PREPARE ANYWAY, RESEARCH ANYWAY, PLAN ANYWAY!
I refuse to take laziness through life with me, I just cant. I turned 29 years old a week ago and I cant enter my 30s wth this problem. Why is it that I have so many things that had to be learned while others were born with it? And exactly what annointing or purpose was I born with? The fact that I dont know is frightening, it means im nowhere near my purpose yet, and if i am I'm spiritually blind to it, which mean my connection with God has weakened, which means im slacking, and lazy, and in trouble.
I just want to live and be happy,so why havent I moved in the areas that make me happy? It comes down to laziness and fear, I can deal with a little fear as long as I have the tenacity to move forward regardless of that fear, and I dont. Im going to find me some good reads on laziness ( besides the bible) and tackle it head on...... If im not too lazy.
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OTHER PEOPLES BURDENS.....
Earlier I spoke on the reason I deactivated fb and how things have been happening out of the blue. I always know when God is going to really bless because the chaos comes........the thing is, none of it is really MY chaos. Ive said before that I was like May from Secret Life of the Bee's, I have a real life issue with taking other peoples burdens and harboring them in MY spirit even though it hardly affects my life. Sometimes I have to ask myself why am I so down, and then i remember a friend or my mom told me about THEIR bad day, and I empathized to the point of my own sympathy.
It comes from caring too much.......
I care past the point that I should, and though ive learned to pick up on harboring an issue that isnt mine I still havent found a way to not let it affect me so much. I cried out to God about why I had to always deal with OTHER PEOPLES ISSUES when I had no drama in my own life, especially if there was nothing i could do to help. He still hasnt delivered me from it, which means one of two things, either Im not ready, or THAT IS MY PURPOSE. To always be the listener, and pray for those who cant pray for themselves and to be empathetic and supporting, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with me. This being my purpose scares me more than me not being ready, I can handle that, it would just mean I need to practice, but to forever be the listener and empathizer is too much on me, especially if I dont have someone like me to go to, outside of God.
Ive prayed many days for God to put me in a position to help others out of their ruts, and thats not even my place! Everyone has their own turmoil to go through before they are delivered or saved from their troubles, who do I think I am praying to be captain save a you know what? All i have is my words, and I try and use them carefully. Lord knows if he made my sitation any better id still be poor tryna help others! I would be known as the wealthy woman who wasnt wealthy, and theres nothing wrong with being wealthy in spirit from being a giver but God wants his believers to be prosperous, dont ever think he wants you down in the dumps after you just helped someone get out that same dump.
I dont know, i tend to answer my own questions and figure out my own problems without even realizing it. Maybe the listener/empathizer thing is my purpose and God hasnt shown it to me fully or I cant see it because I havent embraced it yet, your purpose may not be anywhere near what you want it to be, but maybe when you embrace it is when you receive the power to handle it.
JEEZ! That good word I just gave myself.......wow. See what I mean? And this is why I blog.
GOODNIGHT!
