The death of a mind: Negativity

Sometimes we let the devil in to cause chaos in our homes.......and then ask him to "keep it down."

A few weeks ago I got into this funk, and never really came out. Even while doing things that were supposed to make me happy ( like shopping, and hanging out) I could feel the "give a care" I had left leaving my body. I had slipped into my depression. Thinking about what I don't have and why the good get looked over. Here are some of the signs that has helped me realize I was in a depression, mayne this will help someone else understand what is wrong with them.

• Wanting to sleep the day away, or wanting to sleep until I felt much better or until the next day
• Rejecting encouragement: There was no amount of "it will get better" to give me mental relief
• Talking to no one. I dont care how çlose we are there was no reason to talk. For me it was useless, and satan wanted me to think no one cared anyway, they were only trying to be nosey.
• Wanting sleep and hating it at the same time. No matter how much I thought sleeping the day away would help I couldnt if I tried. Up at all hours of the night letting my mind wonder.
• Doubting God, does he really love me? Or does he just love others more? Does God even exist? Yes.....that actually crossed my mind. Smh
• Being mean......and snappy.......and dry. Everything irritated me....and everybody. Cant say that this still isnt happening

These last few days I've slowly gotten back to normal, but to be honest I am still at a low mentally. I decided to revisit a book I had bought about a year ago called Change Your Words Change Your Life by Joyce Meyer. It was probably the best thing I had done all week. An excerpt from the book says: 

(If reading from a small mobile device click the picture to read the quote)

I had let satan in and remind me of what Im not and what I cant control, he has been living up there in my brain. I've given him an eviction notice. I've re-directed my thoughts and focus. Negativity is crazy, it causes you to be so many things your not, jealous, rude, snappy, incapable of peace, all that and more. I've found myself speaking negativity into a situation before it even happens, which is a characteristic of the old Tia.

I don't want to "Oppress my spirit" any further. I'm sure my spirit man is saying "Somebody come get this emo flesh up outta here". I'm seeking things I already have, I just have to practice them. Peace, happiness, joy....I have those things, if I so choose to tap into them

I still stand by the notion that you need a pity party, and I KNOW I will have another bad day, or days, but what I speak into those bad days are so important. Being negative has been so detrimental to my mental health, i've literally been killing my mind, weakening it, letting it drift into a perminent sleep.

I want to appeal to people who have been/are feeling like me. Number 1, depression is real, but dont let it become you, do not let it take over. Strengthen your mind, so much so that anything unwanted will send off an alarm. My mental alarm has been off. Number 2 YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER UNCONTROLLABLE CIRCUMSTANCES. You have to SIT in that truth......what you DO have control over is how it all effects you, and for how long. I had totally let satan in and rebuked him at the very same time, asked him in and then got mad when he broke things, turned the radio up loud, and ate everything in my refridgerator. Satan is that of an unwanted guest. He had to go.

Be careful who you hang around too, even down to parents. Sometimes their negativity rubs off, sometimes that person who you vent to adds their negative problems to yours, and then your two negative peas in a pod, being ugly and negative together. God is not the author of confusion, so even though you dont understand your situation understand that it is in the plan. It will make sense eventually, and if it doesnt, just know it was neccessary.

I have to apologize to God. Even though he doesn't need my apologies. I pray and still worry, I think right only to turn around and think wrong. I read my bible only to take three day breaks and allow satan in, and I'll probably do all those things again. Thats the awesome thing about God and being a Christian, he knew we'd never be perfect, and yet he takes us back everytime.

I'm now going to watch Captain America and eat apple pie...... :-)

Choose PEACE over PROBLEMS