Hey!
First let me just say.......
I know a few people actually look forward to my posts and read them, and even though I didn't make my blog to impress anyone or for anyone to read, it happened anyway, so I apologize for the lack of posts, guess I kind of felt the need to do that because people look forward to reading it.
Moving on...
So a week back or so, I was thinking about how much I wish I could go out of town and get away, see something new. A few days later at my moms birthday dinner her friend came along, and she talked about how often she just decides to leave town and see something new. She kept saying how it is imperative to see the world, and see what else is out there. That struck a cord in me because I had this yearning to just get out of dodge, leave, just be one with the road.
This past weekend I watched the movie "The secret life of Walter Smitty" (forgive me if I got the title a little wrong, I'm too lazy to google right now). The movie was interesting, definitely not Oscar worthy or anything, but I literally felt like I was watching myself on the screen. The movie is about a man who daydreams so much that he mixes his daydreams with his reality and people literally have to make him snap out of it. In real life he is a boring Joe shmoe who doesn't have much of a life, and hasn't been anywhere but Phoenix Arizona. He spends alot of the movie daydreaming situations in his life in a different way. Somewhere in the movie he literally just decides to take a chance, take a risk, leave the country, and do things (i'm trying not to give the real plot to the movie away).
I wrote a blog not too long ago about my daydreaming, how often I have to leave my reality to see something better. I feel like a Walter Smitty. I felt like someone literally studied me and then made a character out of me but changed the sex, and the age.
I find myself being very controlling of what I allow myself to enjoy, maybe its that I dont have too many great things happen to me so when something close to great happens I don't allow myself to enjoy how I should. I literally have to force myself to buy me something nice, or order whatever I want at my favorite restaurant . Lately I have felt that I deserve to see the world. I want to be more open-minded, and I want to experience something that could change me and make me better, and more educated. Traveling....for me, would be that thing.
What always keeps me from taking risks is......well is myself. That good ole introvert behavior keeps me in fear to take risks and be adventurous. The realist in me weighs all the options. NO MONEY, NO ONE TO GO WITH, WHAT IF I GET KIDNAPPED OUT OF COUNTRY, WHAT WOULD MY FAMILY THINK, IS THIS REALLY THE BEST THING TO DO AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE? (thats the realist speaking). I kind of hate the realist in me because she keeps me from being spontaneous. I am the most careful and cautious person I know, outside of my mother who is the queen of cautious.
I decided that I will finish out my 20's learning myself, getting better, educating myself, leaning towards my purpose, but once I turn 30.......its on. I know I know.....why not start now? Its the realist in me. Realistically I'm not ready for the type of life I want to live. I still have a immaturity that I cant quite pin point yet. I am 28 years old and I literally have a year 1/2 left of my 20's. My goal is to really be able to understand the person that I am, because I want to enjoy my 30's. I want my 30's to be what my 20's should have been. I like that I am learning now what alot of people dont learn until they are 50 years old and only have time for a simple bucket list. God willing I have alot of years ahead of me, and I don't want to die unhappy.
I want to travel, eat different things, explore different cultures, take on different values, and just be one with myself and God. Today I am making the promise to myself that I will see the world, my 30's will not be like my 20's. I wont be put in a box as a human being, I wont be mediocre. I don't want to feel depressed about 30, I want to be excited to know that my 30's will be the best years of my life THUS FAR. My 20's were not great to me, but they taught me alot and I've come a lonnnnggggg way.
Pray for me, as I pray for myself, and my purpose.
Gurl, I know you’d think I’m lyin but I and You and Me are one! It goes something like that…But I hear you. I felt the same way about entering in my 30’s I remember turning 29 and feeling really depressed and sad on my birthday because I new this would be my last year in the “golden decade.” Then when I was approaching 30 I really felt bogged down, but funny thing is on my actual birthday I felt so excited and thrilled to embark on a new frontier of my life. Mind you, I had done a lot of soul searching, praying, thinking, which finally led to some insights. I came to the same conclusion as you; I am going to live my 30’s like I would have liked to live my 20’s. So I started by making lists of things I want to do, goals to accomplish. So this year my big goal was to begin traveling. Now, I hate to admit this but I had never been on an airplane before, I’ve been out of the state on road trips but know airplane flights. Not that I am afraid, just didn’t have the means. But this year at 30 I was determined to fly on an airplane, so my first flight was that trip I took to San Francisco. And my soon to be second flight will hopefully be to Atlanta Georgia next month to see my brother. As the old adage goes; if there’s a will there’s a way!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Tia for posting, I always feel so refreshed after reading your post. You’re an amazing woman.
We were more alike than We thought we were, just from different families and backgrounds. Im glad you broke in your thirties the right way. It motivates me to do the same! Thanks for reading as well!
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