Today I feel the need to document that this is the day that trust has died in me. I trust no one but God. Prayer is needed because I just don't get it. I don't like being lied to, but I understand the lies dwell within a disease. I can't be specific, I have no one to talk to about it. I just want to move on from today, knowing that although you love folk, they are who they are, and no matter how much you may want for them, they may never reach that potential. I am literally empty. I live in the midst of other people problems. I realized this a few weeks ago. When It comes to my own issues, i've owned them, i've worked on them, and i've come a long way, it is not my own issues I am completely battling with anymore, it is other peoples issues. This is not okay.
I just want peace, peace of mind, peace in health, peace in spirituality, and it sucks that in order to have peace, I will have to pull it from within, I have to find it through what I consider Chaos around me. I can't simply be on my own, in my own space, in my own world and have peace NOPE, I have to ask God for strength to pull it forward.
Everyone's motives, issues, words, are given a side-eye from me now, I am sensitive to red flags, almost expert in them. I am forced to do what I should have been doing anyway......ask God about EVERYTHING. In everything go to God in prayer, give it up to him. He is all that I have. I pray that God helps me restore my trust in people, that he sends someone to be in life, be it friend, husband, Colleagues, that is simple, no major issues, just little fixable ones that don't stand to ruin a life. I'm not trying to offend anyone who may have thought they were that person...............I'm just in a very fragile state of mind, and it is truly sad.
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